And in that moment I realised that it wasn’t about love. The aftermath of losing him, the damage that had been done.. It had nothing to do with love.
It was because I’d been hurt.
I felt like I’d been tricked into believing the time we spent together had meant something, that the memories we made were special - when, in fact, they weren’t. And it scared me to think that I’d been so blindly fooled.
So all the damage that had been caused, all the signs of me reeling back to his remembrance when I was having a new moment.. It wasn’t because I missed him. It was because it reminded me of the time I’d been fooled. And I felt terrified that I might be tricked again. That I might think anything meant something again, because I had been so wrong the first time.
So now every time I have a good moment, it just reminds me that what we had was nothing more than just that - a good moment. It never meant anything, so I no longer know if the new stuff means anything either.
And sadly, I don’t know when I’ll be able to trust myself enough to believe it might mean something again.
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”This is kinda beautiful
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.